FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
