As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
