found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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