I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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