we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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