just come out here and I will go home with you...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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