Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
