I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
