I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
