Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
