she was so not down for the gang bang
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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