I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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