You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
