I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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