how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
