i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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