I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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