On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
