I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
