I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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