yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
