im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
