the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
