Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
