i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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