He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
