Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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