It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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