As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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