He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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