it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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