the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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