Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
