He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
