sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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