flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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