NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
