Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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