I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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