I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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