: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
