Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have post one night stand depression
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
