so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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