im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
