Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
