Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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