Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You smell like stripper and shame
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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