i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize