Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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