The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
