But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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