You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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