so explain again why im purple
no
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
