That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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