TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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