So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
