Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
