You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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