Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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