I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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