Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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