Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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