like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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