guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
