He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
