3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
