This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
