I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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