Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
