Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
