His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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