SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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