you traded sex for a burrito?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
