If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
