i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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