Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
